Tag Archives: tv shows

Can’t drink to that pt: Grand Designs

I have graduated from “Homes under the hammer” and am now watching the slightly higher-brow “Grand Designs” vigorously. Obviously this requires some form of drinking game. After watching some 50 episodes of the show, some pretty obvious rules start to emerge:

Take a sip every time Kevin rings a doorbell and greets the owners and act like they’ve just met, but the camera team is clearly already inside.

Take a sip for every giant window that the house has.

Take a sip for double/triple glazing.

Take a sip for solar panels.

Take a sip when Kevin McCloud speaks in French or Italian.

Take a sip when someone goes over budget because “a house like this needs high-spec furniture and fittings”.

Take a sip when Kevin “helps out”.

Take a sip if the clients go 10 % over budget.

Take a sip every time Kevin says “labour of love”, “marvellous!” or “good lord!”.

 

Take two sips if the client is project managing the build themselves.

– Take another sip if they have no previous building experience.

Take two sips if the neighbours are unhappy about the build.

Take two sips if Kevin indirectly insults the clients, like “some people might say it’s ridiculous”.

Take two sips if the clients go 20 % over budget.

Take two sips if the clients are planning to spend all of their money to half-finish the build and then re-mortgage the build to get the money to finish it.

 

Take three sips every time someone ends up pregnant before the build is complete.

Take three sips if the clients have to import material from a different country to build.

Take three sips if it starts raining at a very inconvenient time, like before the roof is isolated.

Take three sips if the windows costs more than 10 % of the total budget.

Take three sips if the clients go 30 % over budget.

 

Down a shot every time Kevin uses a really budget prop.

Down two shots if he’s bought something just to use it as a prop.

Down three shots if the prop is edible.

 

Down a glass if the clients gets rid of their contractors and/or replaces them.

Down a glass if a part of the build breaks down.

Down a glass if a custom-made object has the wrong measurements/doesn’t fit with some other part of the build.

Down a glass if planning permission is denied.

Down a glass if the clients go 50 % or more over budget.

 

Down the entire bottles if the clients are outright refusing to reveal the total cost of the build.

Down the entire bottle if the clients have spent all of their money to half-finish the build and then re-mortgage, but the bank denies them the mortgage.

Down the entire bottle if the house isn’t finished when the episode ends (I hate those episodes!).

Down the entire bottle if the owners of the build appears to hate Kevin by the end of the episode.

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Ughhhhzzzz. I think I have a cold. My nose is stuffed and my head is mean. It’s nice weather outside and I really want to go outside before my shift starts, but if I know myself I will just lie here on the sofa and feel sorry for myself. At least evening shifts are fairly easy. Because of my sad state, I present you with a very simple, this-is-what-I’ve-been-up-to blog post.

It’s funny how the weather here changes so dramatically from day to day. All of yesterday we had strong wind and rain, today it’s blue skies. We had talked about going in to central London yesterday, but because of the weather we ended up going to Westfield mall. I’m not a fan of malls because they’re always filled with franchises and few stand-alone shops, but it was nice to be able to windowshop somewhere dry and warm. Westfield mall is also a bit more bearable than other malls because it’s quite big and pretty,- and filled with insanely expensive things, of course. It was a mix of pricer brands and normal brands, but nothing really caught my interest. It’s not really uncommon that I spend an entire day at a shopping place and end up not buying anything except a coffee.  I had just bought clothes from Dorothy Perkins the day before (I buy almost all buy clothes from Dorothy Perkins) so I guess my need for shopping has been satisfied for a week or so. I bought a pair of regular blue jeans, which I haven’t owned in ages, a pair of black formal trousers for work and a bright shirt (see pic below).

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I’m the worst when it comes to getting food on my clothes. We were eating at Gourmet Burger when this photo was taken, so when the food arrived I put on a darker sweater. I am NOT getting ketchup on my pretty new shirt. When we got home we finished watching the season finale of AHS. AHS has never been perfect, but I think this season engaged me the least. Zoey and Kyle were boring and bland as cardboard cut-outs, Madison could have been interesting but ended up being too pathetic about Zoey and Kyle, Queenie didn’t get enough character development and Nan got killed off too soon. It could have been a great season but the storylines were really rushed and it felt like all we ever saw was women backstabbing or murdering each other and then coming back from the dead instead of seeing HOW they actually developed their powers. I think Misty was the only one I really cared about, although Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Francis Convoy all played their roles really well. It would be nice to see Jessica Lange play a different sort of character for the next season, since all her roles in AHS have been sassy, strong and cruel women. She does play that role really well but it would be fun to see her play someone a bit softer.

Ramble ramble. I need to get some food cooking before it’s work time. I will try to post an update Monday afternoon, I have like 25 post drafts that I should finish at some point and set so they automatically post at a certain day and time to maintain a more regular posting.

Hope everyone else gets a  better weekend than me!

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Introducing your new TV-drama

“The home”.

An action-filled drama following the life in a care home in Britain. Bright, young Thea has just started her new job at a small care home for the elderly and soon finds out that everything is not as it seems. Are the frantic mumblings of the home’s oldest resident, Old Norah, just ramblings of a mad woman suffering from dementia, or do they hold the key to a dark, dark secret? The pleasantly confused lady Mia can never find her room by herself and is always walking in to other residents’ rooms. But one grey, stormy afternoon she walks into the shock of her life; on the floor in room 67 lies the bloody and cold body of senior carer Jane, with no clues to what have happened. Amidst mystery and murder, Thea and the other care assistants fight for time as resources grow smaller and the residents grow more aggressive. Suddenly, long, dull afternoons seems like a distant past as both carers and residents have to work together to stay alive…

I was a bit bored at work and played with the idea of an action/criminal drama based on a care home. To be on the safe side, I should point out that everything is fictional, blah blah, which I’m sure everyone understands. I think the second season would be called The Home: Specially Aggressive Unit because the different units definitely comes with different advantages and disadvantages. I haven’t decided whether it’s going to be a serious show or a satire of actual action/criminal dramas. I’m leaning towards the latter. OK, it’s never going to be a TV-show, but it would be fun to put together a fake trailer for it. I heard an elderly person say something today that seemed like it was taken straight out of a movie: “If you can’t see that you’re a bitch, you can’t see anything at all!“. Oh snap!

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Some late thoughts on Breaking Bad/Meth Makers (spoilers)

Phew, finished and sent in my application for a ph.d position today. I spent literally hours crafting my personal statement/cover letter, because I’ve never applied for a position quite like this before… can’t use the cover letters from my days as a care assistant, y’know. I feel ridiculously under-qualified, but I would hate myself if I didn’t take the chance and applied. Even a small chance is better than no chance.

Yesterday I finished watching Breaking Bad, or Meth Makers as I’ve been urged by unnamed forces to call it. We started watching the show from the first episode a little while after the final episode aired, so I haven’t been following media or anything at all. I have avoided everything about the show because I didn’t want to get spoiled. We watched the last four episodes in one sitting. I knew from the moment that Hank called Marie and said “I love you” that he would get killed and I was so mad! Hank was awful and awesome at the same time. Yeah, he was horribly inappropriate at times but he turned out to be one of the better characters of the series. I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to see Marie grieve more.

I’m also disappointed that there wasn’t any resolution between Walt and Junior/Flynn. It was inevitable that Flynn would turn against Walt, but it just seems unfair that he went from basically idolizing his father to hating him and just have it end there. Sure, Walt was a bad person and he ruined lives, but I would have liked a sign that Flynn would eventually learn to forgive Walt or realize that, while he was a bad person, he genuinely cared for his family. I’m glad Jessie got out of it alive, but at the same time I’m glad he suffered. I like Jessie but I can’t deny he was a part of some really fucked up things and maybe now he won’t feel the need to punish himself anymore. I choose to believe that he got away and got to start a better life. I never really understood Jessie and Walt’s relationship because in one episode they hate each other and in the next they say they’re like family.

When it comes to Walt’s fate, I thought I wanted it but then I felt a twinge of sympathy after all in the end. Like Dexter, I was sure from early on that I wanted Walt to truly face the consequences of what he had done. With Breaking Bad, the show prepared us from the first episode that Walt was going to die sooner or later, so I guess any other ending than Walt dying wouldn’t have worked. I still think I would have preferred seeing Walt in prison or a meth overlord but with his cover blown and everyone knowing who he was and what he had done.

Overall I’m happy with how the series finished. I mean the only other show that I watched that finished this year was Dexter, and in comparison I have NOTHING  to complain about with Breaking Bad. Still bummed about Hank, but at least he got to go out in a relatively dignified manner, not crying and begging for his life. I need to find another show to fill the hole now.

But it’s not urgent; I’ve been longing to read other people’s thoughts on BB for months and finally there’s nothing holding me back. So if you can’t get hold of me, it’s probably because I’m stuck reading every interview and article about BB that I can find. 😉

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Life Imitating Art: Fresh Meat and Fighting Techniques

In the latest episode of Fresh Meat, Howard was preparing to fight another man. He got the advice that a fight is more than just physical strength and that he could gain the upper hand by asking his opponent something really random and confusing, and by doing so catching them off guard. When I saw the episode, I thought nothing of it, but little did I know that the advice would be useful to me a few hours later. It was yesterday morning and I had somehow gotten involved in a tickling fight; it’s possible that I may have started it. Tom makes the most ridiculous and disturbing sound a man can make while being tickled, and I regret that I wasn’t able to record it at the time. It sounds something like “Nyyya! nyyya! nyyyahhahah!” but in one octave higher than his usual speaking voice. It wouldn’t be so weird if he did it on purpose, which I thought was the case at first, but I believe that’s just the way he unintentionally laughs when being tickled. W.T.F. It’s about as disturbing as Jimmy Carr’s laughter (“It sounds a bit like a seal being molested”, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, check it out here).

Anyhow, he has the advantage of being both stronger and heavier than me, so I ended up being pinned down. After like 5 minutes of trying to wriggle, claw and headbutt my way free, I almost accepted my fate. Then suddenly I thought of what Howard had done… and said “Do you know why your eye color is slightly different when you see them in the mirror?” BAM! I’m not entirely sure how I did it, but during that moment of confusion I managed to catch him off-guard and push him onto his back and place my knees on his arms. Soooo proud of myself!

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Can’t drink to that – pt 2: Homes Under the Hammer

Homes Under The Hammer is so amazingly budget that I just felt compelled to make a drinking game about it. It’s a show that draws you in with it’s incredibly bad (and many) puns and a music/special effects editor with an incredibly corny taste. I’m not convinced the show isn’t edited in Windows Movie Maker. What else could you possibly want to watch at 10am? If you still don’t know which show I’m talking about, it’s the one where every scene is shot slightly or incredibly askew.

So if you’re British and looking for a reason to get drunk at 10 am, I recommend Homes Under The Hammer and this drinking game… because you are sure to get hammered. (groan) Bazinga!

(And if you want to do the drinking game at another time, here’s an episode. Who uploads entire episodes of Homes Under The Hammer on youtube anyway? o_0)

Take a sip every time:

Anyone says “Needs a little love and attention”.

Anyone says “Right old state”.

Lucy says “Guys”.

The estate agents say the house has been done “to a high standard”.

The buyer or the estate agent pretends to look at a random item.

The scenes are shot from a very odd angle.

Martin is out of breath and tries to hide it after walking up a flight of stairs.

Martin is clearly avoiding angles that shows the balding patch on the back of his head/walks backwards.

Down a shot when:

The background music is a long piano piece.

The new owners are fans of Homes Under The Hammer.

Martin breaks something in the house (e.g pulls off a bit of wallpaper).

The owners never went inside the house before the auction/bought blind.

The owners make a loss (<10k).

The owners stuck to both budget and timescale.

Every time the bidding goes over £50k, £100k or £200k over the guide price.

Down two shots when:

The owners make a loss (>£10k – 50k).

Martin praises the garden or a feature in the garden and finds that it’s gone after the refurbishment.

The owners say “originally…” followed by the revelation that they went massively over budget/time.

The owners hired contractors for practically everything but claims to have done most things themselves.

Martin or Lucy indiscreetly namedrops the title of the song they want to be played in the background (e.g. “This house is truly ‘One in a million’ ;)”).

Down an entire bottle of beer if:

The bidding goes £300k over the guide price.

The buyer sells on the house before even beginning any refurbishment work.

The owners make a loss (>£50k).

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I have this fantasy, which may or may not be reality, that Martin and Lucy record all the voice overs at home in their underwear while having breakfast. I mean think about it: It’s edited in a way that makes you think Martin and Lucy returns to the houses several times. The layout of the show is like this: 1) Lucy and Martin does the intro bit 2) One of them go to the house and looks around. 3) An estate agent shows up and gives their opinion. 4) Martin/Lucy gives a brief summary and ends with “Lets see who bought this when it went under the hammer”. 5) The auction scene. 6) Lucy/Martin interviews the new owner in the house. 7) They do the pt 1 of another home before returning to the “after” scenes for the first home. 8) They return to the house after the refurbishment is finished.

I’ve thought about it and chronology behind shooting the show must be like this: 1) Martin and Lucy shoots the intro and outro scenes together. I’m pretty sure they do ALL of the season’s intro and outro comments in one day, just changing their outfits every once in a while and shoot from different angles to make the scenes a bit different. 2) A camera team is sent to an auction and makes a deal with successful bidder to come visit the house. 3) Lucy or Martin shows up at the house and gives a brief summary of it’s high and low points. The estate agent gives their opinion and then they shoot the segment with the new owner where they talk about the timescale and budget. This is all done in the same day. 4)  A camera team is sent back to film and interview the owners once the refurbishment is done. 5) Lucy and Martin record the voice overs.

So Lucy and Martin probably only spends a month or so each year putting together their scenes for the show, seeing as all the intro and outro are all shot in one day and that they’re only on site for the “before” scenes. They probably only see each other for work a couple of days each year. Martin always talks about how it is important to not “over do” a refurbishment, i.e, spending a lot of money on refurbishment without raising the potential profit due to the ceiling price of the area… I feel like that motto is something that works for Homes Under The Hammer as well. It’s a 10 am show, they probably have to stick to a pretty low budget to make a profit. Minimum effort for a little return.

Anyhow, I love this little campy refurbishment show and I think Lucy and Martin are both much more pleasant than the guy from Grand Designs. But I might make a Grand Designs drinking game in the near future.

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The suspension is killing me!!

Okay, this is my last post before some radio silence. I’m going to do my best to avoid internet and TV until I get a chance to view the final of The Great British Bake-Off, which I won’t until 11pm, and I don’t want to find out who wins before I’ve gotten a chance to view it. I won’t check the comments in this post either so don’t try to spoil me here.

Speaking off spoilers… just one thing before I’m gone… I have “liked” Criminal Minds on FB and they posted the weirdest description for episode 9.05 (which I think will air in the US tomorrow) and now I’m dying to find out what the fuck happens. The description is obviously spoiler-y but you can read it here. It’s the official episode description, spoil much CBS???Is this a flashback episode or what the hell is going on??? I NEED TO SEE IT NOW.

Edit: OMG I just realized there’s no way it’s a flashback episode due to how things went down during that storyline.

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