In the summer of 2011, I went on a vacation to Crete. Tom was stuck in England and nagged me to send him a souvenir, so I went hunting for the tackiest thing I could find. I ended up settling for a wooden penis bottle opener, which was pretty difficult to ship. Satisfied with Tom’s reaction once he received the gift and silently smug that he now was stuck with a wooden penis bottle opener in his kitchen, I forgot about it for a couple of years.
Fast-forward to today. We’ve moved in together and I have realized that sending Tom a load of random items backfired on me, since he never throws anything away and now I’m stuck living with them too. So today we were setting up a magnetic knife rack to get some space in the kitchen. Furthest back in the kitchen drawer lurked the chunky, wooden dong. It has now made a splendid comeback, proudly attached to the magnetic knife rack. The worst part is that it’s a really crap bottle opener.