Tag Archives: penis

Lessons learned

I’ve learned the following lessons in life this week:

1. Don’t use nose spray while lying down.

2. Don’t try to go backwards in IKEA on a Sunday.

3. Don’t laugh, point and yell “Wow, look at that carrot, it looks like a huge dick!” when your boyfriend is on the phone with someone… it might turn out to be his mum.

 

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A small **** for humanity, a big **** for an amateur artist.

There comes a time in every amateur artist’s lives when the risk to remain tight in a bud is more painful than the risk it takes to blossom.

There comes a time when you realize that sticking to your safe zone, just drawing what you’re good at drawing, what you’re comfortable at drawing, or covering up or distracting from the things you’re not, is getting more and more ridiculous and complicated.

There comes a time when you need to go boldly where you’ve never been before.

It’s the time.

The time for me to stop cover up male genitalia with ridiculous cloth loins, random plants or conveniently flying leaves.

It’s time to draw a dick.

Just like drawing a hand, you think you know how it looks like, you’ve seen hands every day, but when you try to draw it you still draw the hands attached to the elbows.

It’s time to search for tutorials and references.

“How to draw male genitalia” on DeviantArt only provides you with instructions on how to draw animal’s junk on anthropomorphized characters.

“Reference photo nude male” on Google oddly shows a whole lot of naked females.

Googling “Penis anatomy” has educational results, but the inside of a penis isn’t really useful right now.

God. Do I have to taint my search history by simply searching for “penis”? What if I die and someone goes on my computer and sees that I googled “Penis”? OK there’s worse things in my search history but it feels so immature to google penis photos.

A last attempt.

“Male genitalia” A short scream. Edit to “Healthy male genitalia”.

Give in and just Google “Penis”, pause and think, edit to “Healthy penis”.

A few OK photos, mixed with a few I DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO THAT PENIS!

Wonder if googling for reference photos is what leads to the rumored eccentricity of artists.

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It’s a very inoffensive little penis so far and I think that’s how I will leave it for the night. I feel like I should clarify that it’s not a drawing of just a penis, it’s a fullbody thing going on… oh you will just have to wait until I’m finished in a couple of days and see for yourselves. I’m still traumatized by one of the search results… like it seriously looked like someone had tied a small firework to it and set it off. Enjoy that imagery!

 

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The return of the wooden dong bottle opener

In the summer of 2011, I went on a vacation to Crete. Tom was stuck in England and nagged me to send him a souvenir, so I went hunting for the tackiest thing I could find. I ended up settling for a wooden penis bottle opener, which was  pretty difficult to ship. Satisfied with Tom’s reaction once he received the gift and silently smug that he now was stuck with a wooden penis bottle opener in his kitchen, I forgot about it for a couple of years. 

Fast-forward to today. We’ve moved in together and I have realized that sending Tom a load of random items backfired on me, since he never throws anything away and now I’m stuck living with them too. So today we were setting up a magnetic knife rack to get some space in the kitchen. Furthest back in the kitchen drawer lurked the chunky, wooden dong. It has now made a splendid comeback, proudly attached to the magnetic knife rack. The worst part is that it’s a really crap bottle opener. Image

 

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