I don’t do French

I have a slightly embarrassing handicap. The truth is that I can’t pronounce French words. I’m worse than your stereotypical American southerners  you see on TV. In school, we got the choice to either read Spanish, German or French. French sounded really hard so I went with German, which I thought would be the easier option. In the years that followed I never went to France and never really had a reason or interest to learn French. BUT, there’s a point in most peoples’ lives when suddenly French words starts popping up in everyday conversations, like Bordeaux, portmanteau, cremé de la cremé, etc etc.

Sometimes, as an adult, you HAVE to say french words, but that doesn’t mean that you have to like it. In an attempt to  protest and avoid mockery of my horrible pronunciation, I’ve switched out a few french sayings so they’re easier to pronounce:

1. Pret a manger (a UK-based coffee shop franchise): Pet a manager.

2. Pain au chocolate: Chocolate bread.

3. Cul-de-sac: Ball sack.

4. Novealle Vague: Nivea Vague.

5. Prêt-à-porter: Pet a Porter.

6. Tête-à-tête: TET TET TET (said very agressively)!

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