Yesterday was my last day at my summer job. I worked for 9 weeks straight, showed up on an average 10 minutes before my shift started, worked double shifts occasionally, often worked overtime and never requested to be compensated, covered other people’s shifts when they couldn’t work their days, never took any sick days and the only time I took a day off was when my mum was in the hospital. I offered to help out with coworker’s workload when they were stressed and I spent time on my spare time putting together an aid for one of the residents I worked with. I guess what matters in the end is if the residents I worked with thought I did a good job when working with them, which I think they did (at least a lot of them were very appreciative).
I never thought I would grow up to be someone who cared about work ethics.
But work is over and as I was biking home through the rain yesterday, it gradually hit me. The only thing that was keeping me in Sweden is gone. I could leave to London today, I have no obligations here anymore (although it would be silly to do so, as Tom is visiting in a week’s time). I have very little money and I have no idea what kind of jobs I can hope to get (if any) but like a wise old lady said at work, “The time is now”. Stockholm doesn’t offer me much anymore. I spent years in Linköping longing to get ‘home’ to Stockholm once I was done with my education and I don’t know why. I think gradually I developed closer friendships at university and found someone I could really trust and share everything and at the same time became jaded and cynical about everyone left in Stockholm. It’s like I was seeing my life there through rose colored glasses and then someone punched me in the face. I want to and will live in Stockholm eventually, I like the city and I like being near (most) of my family, but if I do end up here permanently I will wipe the slate clean, make new friends, find new hobbies and live in another flat. Life is too short to keep doing the same thing, living in the same place and hanging out with the same people, not because you enjoy it but because of tradition and fear.
I need a break from Sweden for a while. For once in a long while I like that my immediate future is unpredictable. Circumstances could be better but they might never be better. The time is now (or at least in 2-3 weeks 😉 ).